2016 Ford E-350 Super Duty Box Truck: The Oppositelock Review

"BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo" (bluemazda2) 07/30/2015 at 14:52 • Filed to: None

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There are many particular cars whose origins can be dated around the time that the Egyptians built the pyramids. The Porsche 911 springs to mind immediately. Another one of those is the Ford E-Series line of trucks. Over the past 55 years, every single sketchy contractor and Budget Rent-A-Van/Truck has seen a Ford E-Series of some sort. Its sheer simplicity and reliability have made it one of the best-selling utility vehicles on the market.

If I had to describe it in one word, it would be “functional.” It just works. There’s no way to describe as to why. It simply works. After this morning, I now understand why they litter the roads of South Florida.

(Full Disclosure: Ford wanted me to drive the 2016 E-350 Box Truck so badly that they sold it to Budget, who added some stickers. Whoever rented it last left a lot of chocolate chip cookie crumbs everywhere and dead dragonflies all over the wipers and grille. I went down to my local Budget and rented it with my dad to move some stuff. At least it had air conditioning.)

Exterior: 4/10

It’s a 16 foot box truck. It’s white. It has wheels. It has headlights AND taillights. It’s your average moving van. There’s not much to say about the E-Series other than the fact that it’s about as interesting as tap water and that it has the drag coefficient of the Supreme Court building. At least it has some blue and yellow on the Budget logo.

Interior: 2/10

The interior can only be described as 50 Shades of Gray. Literally. There’s NO color anywhere except for the orange seatbelts, which makes me think that Porsche and Ford secretly united to make this one-off E-350 GT3. Everything is plastic and vinyl, just as you’d expect in a large utility vehicle. I did, however, find it rather comfortable for what it was. I like the new Transit’s interior far more than this one.

The perforated vinyl seats did their job of seating me and my father quite well. Although the central cubby to store our assorted crap was large, the bottom of it was occupied by the remnants of a pack of Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies. There was also a nice fire extinguisher under the middle seat. (There are 3 seats) The one drawback about the interior is a lack of cupholders. I had to hold my Starbucks cup while my dad drove the truck. A second cupholder would be nice.

Acceleration: 3/10

The 5.4 liter Triton V8 was able to get us above 60 mph. Although it didn’t do it in less than 20 seconds, I have no complaints. I wasn’t expecting to be blown away. It has a decent amount of power and torque for a vehicle of this size. 255 hp isn’t too bad at all for an engine that dates back to when the Magna Carta was signed. I couldn’t see this thing doing more than 85 or 90.

Brakes: 4/10

They stop the truck. Although they aren’t Brembo Carbon Ceramic brakes, they get the job done with room to spare. The pedal feel is pretty decent.

Ride: 3/10

Trust me; you won’t confuse the ride with that of a Citroen DS or a Mercedes Maybach S600. It’s pretty harsh and unpleasant, but I’ve seen worse. The seats are marginally comfortable and supportive. Despite the deceitful “Quiet Ride Cab” stickers, it’s really loud inside over 35.

Handling: 2/10

Despite the size, it turns decently under 15. That being said, it handles about as well on the open road as the Parthenon. There’s some play in the steering.

Gearbox: 2/10

It has a 5 speed automatic column shift gearbox. It’s pretty awful overall. I found that it constantly searches for gears even when you’re not flooring it. Also, I found that in drive, it wouldn’t shift until about 2500rpm.

Audio: 2/10

The basic AM/FM/Aux-In stereo was great when we were driving around in the city. On the highway, however, it proved to be awful. Thanks to the road noise, I could barely hear the radio. The V8 sounds very boring due to the fact that it whines a lot more than I expected.

Toys: 1/10

It’s a bare bones truck. It has a radio, a fire extinguisher, air conditioning, a glovebox, cupholders, a steering wheel, two airbags, orange Porsche 911 GT3-esque seatbelts, and 3 perforated vinyl seats. That’s it. Oh wait, it has mirrors too. That’s it.

Value: 7/10

I’m not sure as to how much a new one costs, but this one cost me a decent amount for a box truck of this size for the day. The 16’ box was large enough for what we moved. It was comfortable and it had air conditioning.

2016 Ford E-350 Super Duty Box Truck

Price: Est. $36,000 or around $100 for a day’s rental

Engine: 5.4L Triton V8

Power: 255 hp; 350 lb. ft. of torque

Transmission: 5 Speed “Torqshift” automatic

0-60: I’d guess around 25 seconds or so if you’re patient enough

Top Speed: Maybe around 85 mph or so on a good day

Drivetrain: Front engine, rear wheel drive

Curb Weight: (See Westminster Abbey)

Seating: 3 people

MPG: 5 mpg city/10 mpg highway (My estimate)

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 07/30/2015 at 16:49

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For whatever reason, I’ve always really liked moving trucks. I had rented a series of gas Ford and possibly Chevy box trucks, and they tended to not suck. One cup holder though seems deficient.

The worst, worst, worst thing ever was driving a 26’ International diesel across the country. Awesome cause diesel, but the mother-trucker would not go above 70mph and the headlights were all but useless. Although comfy for the first hour, after ten my butt hurt. And the factory stereo was a single DIN Sony unit.

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 07/30/2015 at 16:50

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Also, does the E-350 still have sealed beam headlights??!?

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind 07/30/2015 at 16:57

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Yes it does.

Vicente Esteve > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 07/30/2015 at 18:14

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There’s your color!

TheD0k_2many toys 2little time > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 07/31/2015 at 00:50

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I thought Ford was finally done with the 5.4... maybe just in non commercial vehicles